Sami's Diary May 2012
Dear Diary
I had a good time today. I spent it with Lucas and our kids. Johnny was at the zoo with Ciara. It was nice of Lucas to say that Johnny would have been welcome. I still wonder about the paternity sometimes. It would have been so much easier if Johnny was Lucas's son instead of EJ's. It is amazing that I have two great kids fathered by that asshole.
Will was a bit distant but he stuck around which is something. I know things are going to be strained for a while. Damn I wish John had never come back. My life would be so different right now. I'd still be with Rafe and who knows I might have had his child by now. I certainly wouldn't have had sex with EJ. I'm just grateful that I didn't get pregnant from that mistake I made.
I just love that I ruined Kate's day. I'm running her company and now she's seen me kissing Lucas in Horton Square and later she showed up at my place and found us nearly in the act. At least she didn't come in there a few minutes earlier since she would have dropped dead of a heart attack. On second thought that might not have been such a bad thing. At least I wouldn't have to deal with her anymore.
I just don't know what the hell I'm doing. I'm not even divorced yet. I could call it oh shit I'm getting another divorce so I'll just hop on my ex sex. I don't know what this means. I need to call Lucas so we can talk. Maybe I could get back together with Lucas. Rafe has clearly moved on and I should too. I just don't know if I want to. I don't know why I get into these messes. I seem to be a disaster magnet.
Dear Diary
Right now I'm pissed off and relieved that no one died when the safe house exploded. I can't believe my own Father kept the truth from us. We were grieving for them. I was thinking about all of them including Rafe. I thought about the chance of never seeing him again and the possibility that we could work things out even though I'm sort of with Lucas now. I'm not sure how that happened.
But now I know they are all fine. It always comes down to getting Stefano Dimera. I saw how cozy Rafe was with Nicole I don't even know what to think right now. I think I'm a little jealous of my son since I want that kind of relationship with Marlena but he has it instead. I just don't know if we could ever have it since Marlena has always favored Carrie over me.
I just don't know what to do now. I thought things could be good with Lucas until I fought out that my husband isn't dead after all. What am I thinking? I think that's the problem. I always act without thinking. I just can't seem to help myself. I'm just glad that I'm not pregnant since that's the last thing I need right now.
I'm hoping that Lucas can help me figure out what's going on with Will. I know there's something and I think Marlena knows. I just hate that he confides in her when he should be talking to me. I hate this distance between us. I realize that seeing me on the couch was horrible but I want us to move past that. Too bad I can't borrow Stefano's mind eraser to use on myself, Will, Rafe, and most of all EJ so that night could be undone.
I hate that they are all staying at the safe house. I bet Carrie is just loving this. I don't understand why she was there. She shouldn't have been there. I should have been. Maybe I would have been able to work things out with Rafe if I was. I'm glad Carrie's alive but damn it I hate her taking Rafe from me. It is just so typical of her and poor Austin will end up all alone because Carrie will break his heart again.
Dear Diary
I think I must have a brain tumor. Oops I shouldn't say that since Lexie really has one that's killing her. There must be something wrong with me since I never do things the way I should. I was surprised when Will told me he's gay. I reacted very badly and ended up leaving. Once again I ran into EJ which makes me wonder if I have a chip in my head. That's the only explanation I can come up with.
After talking to EJ I went back to the apartment. I ended up leaving again when i found out that Marlena knew about Will before me. He talked to her. I know I shouldn't have been pissed off but I was because he should have came to me. Maybe it was a good thing for him to talk to Marlena since I handled things badly. I think the Apocalypse is coming because I ended up talking to EJ again. He gave me some advice.
I don't know what's wrong with me. I should be talking to anyone but EJ. Hell the mailman would be better or that bum that hangs out in the alley near the hospital. Instead I have another chat with my rapist. By the time I got back to my place Will was gone and Lucas was cooking. He tried to cook but instead he just ended up killing my pot. I hate when that happens. So we had to go out to eat.
Lucas saw me talking to EJ and he didn't say a word. I can't believe he didn't say anything. I guess he was proud of me for telling him about my second chat. What was I thinking? I think that's my problem. Seriously I'm thinking about going to the hospital for a CT scan. I think my brain just might be missing or it could be broken. Now I have no idea how to get Will to talk to me. I don't care about him being gay. He's my son and I love him.
Every since that horrible day in November things have just gone downhill. I do something incredibly stupid and tried to wipe the slate clean by renewing my vows with Rafe. That didn't work out since now Rafe is with Carrie. That just makes me want to hurl. I feel bad for Austin since he's so sure that he'll get Carrie back. How many times does the bitch have to cheat on him before he gets a clue? I need some booze like right now. So glad that the family has a pub which means free booze for me.
I had a good time today. I spent it with Lucas and our kids. Johnny was at the zoo with Ciara. It was nice of Lucas to say that Johnny would have been welcome. I still wonder about the paternity sometimes. It would have been so much easier if Johnny was Lucas's son instead of EJ's. It is amazing that I have two great kids fathered by that asshole.
Will was a bit distant but he stuck around which is something. I know things are going to be strained for a while. Damn I wish John had never come back. My life would be so different right now. I'd still be with Rafe and who knows I might have had his child by now. I certainly wouldn't have had sex with EJ. I'm just grateful that I didn't get pregnant from that mistake I made.
I just love that I ruined Kate's day. I'm running her company and now she's seen me kissing Lucas in Horton Square and later she showed up at my place and found us nearly in the act. At least she didn't come in there a few minutes earlier since she would have dropped dead of a heart attack. On second thought that might not have been such a bad thing. At least I wouldn't have to deal with her anymore.
I just don't know what the hell I'm doing. I'm not even divorced yet. I could call it oh shit I'm getting another divorce so I'll just hop on my ex sex. I don't know what this means. I need to call Lucas so we can talk. Maybe I could get back together with Lucas. Rafe has clearly moved on and I should too. I just don't know if I want to. I don't know why I get into these messes. I seem to be a disaster magnet.
Dear Diary
Right now I'm pissed off and relieved that no one died when the safe house exploded. I can't believe my own Father kept the truth from us. We were grieving for them. I was thinking about all of them including Rafe. I thought about the chance of never seeing him again and the possibility that we could work things out even though I'm sort of with Lucas now. I'm not sure how that happened.
But now I know they are all fine. It always comes down to getting Stefano Dimera. I saw how cozy Rafe was with Nicole I don't even know what to think right now. I think I'm a little jealous of my son since I want that kind of relationship with Marlena but he has it instead. I just don't know if we could ever have it since Marlena has always favored Carrie over me.
I just don't know what to do now. I thought things could be good with Lucas until I fought out that my husband isn't dead after all. What am I thinking? I think that's the problem. I always act without thinking. I just can't seem to help myself. I'm just glad that I'm not pregnant since that's the last thing I need right now.
I'm hoping that Lucas can help me figure out what's going on with Will. I know there's something and I think Marlena knows. I just hate that he confides in her when he should be talking to me. I hate this distance between us. I realize that seeing me on the couch was horrible but I want us to move past that. Too bad I can't borrow Stefano's mind eraser to use on myself, Will, Rafe, and most of all EJ so that night could be undone.
I hate that they are all staying at the safe house. I bet Carrie is just loving this. I don't understand why she was there. She shouldn't have been there. I should have been. Maybe I would have been able to work things out with Rafe if I was. I'm glad Carrie's alive but damn it I hate her taking Rafe from me. It is just so typical of her and poor Austin will end up all alone because Carrie will break his heart again.
Dear Diary
I think I must have a brain tumor. Oops I shouldn't say that since Lexie really has one that's killing her. There must be something wrong with me since I never do things the way I should. I was surprised when Will told me he's gay. I reacted very badly and ended up leaving. Once again I ran into EJ which makes me wonder if I have a chip in my head. That's the only explanation I can come up with.
After talking to EJ I went back to the apartment. I ended up leaving again when i found out that Marlena knew about Will before me. He talked to her. I know I shouldn't have been pissed off but I was because he should have came to me. Maybe it was a good thing for him to talk to Marlena since I handled things badly. I think the Apocalypse is coming because I ended up talking to EJ again. He gave me some advice.
I don't know what's wrong with me. I should be talking to anyone but EJ. Hell the mailman would be better or that bum that hangs out in the alley near the hospital. Instead I have another chat with my rapist. By the time I got back to my place Will was gone and Lucas was cooking. He tried to cook but instead he just ended up killing my pot. I hate when that happens. So we had to go out to eat.
Lucas saw me talking to EJ and he didn't say a word. I can't believe he didn't say anything. I guess he was proud of me for telling him about my second chat. What was I thinking? I think that's my problem. Seriously I'm thinking about going to the hospital for a CT scan. I think my brain just might be missing or it could be broken. Now I have no idea how to get Will to talk to me. I don't care about him being gay. He's my son and I love him.
Every since that horrible day in November things have just gone downhill. I do something incredibly stupid and tried to wipe the slate clean by renewing my vows with Rafe. That didn't work out since now Rafe is with Carrie. That just makes me want to hurl. I feel bad for Austin since he's so sure that he'll get Carrie back. How many times does the bitch have to cheat on him before he gets a clue? I need some booze like right now. So glad that the family has a pub which means free booze for me.
