Hope's Diary April 2013
Dear Diary
I am so worried about Katie. I stopped by for my date with Will and she wasn't there. Liam was there. For a little while I could forget about everything that has happened and pretend that I was with Liam. Reality of course came crashing down when I found out that Katie was in the hospital. She can't die. I am glad that Liam was there with me. I really needed him.
Mom sent me home even though I wanted to stay. All I do is worry about Katie and think about what might have been with Liam. It feels like we're cursed. I'm not with the man I love and Katie could die. I can't help but think about that. I pray that she doesn't. We need her. Will needs her. I couldn't imagine my life without her. I just wish things would look up for the Logans.
Dear Diary
Katie is going to be fine. I'm so glad about that. She won't be able to go to the wedding. I don't know what I was thinking when I told Liam to marry Steffy. I should have fought for him. We could have made it work but I thought I'd try to do the right thing. But was it the right thing? Even Liam told me that he'd always wonder about what might have been if we'd been able to get married.
A part of me wishes he hadn't told me that but I guess it wouldn't have mattered. I'm not sure if I will ever be able to get over Liam. I should try to focus on work. At least Rick is having better luck than me. He really likes Maya. I just wish he'd talk to Caroline. She deserves to be happy too. I wouldn't wish a triangle on anyone. It sucks because one of the people ends up hurt. I just had the bad luck of being that person.
I just don't know what I'm going to do. I can't stop thinking about what might have been if only we hadn't been manipulated. I shouldn't be doing that but I can't seem to stop. I can't take a pill or wear a patch that will make me stop loving Liam. Trying to stop loving him is like me trying to stop breathing. I just can't help but do it even though I know I have to move on.
Dear Diary
I almost crashed the wedding. Mom stopped me from doing it. I guess she's right but I think it might have been good for me to see it with my own two eyes. Seeing it would just help let things sink in even though it would have shattered my heart into a million pieces to see them say their vows when it should have been me at the altar instead of Steffy. I should be the one having his children. I can't help but think Steffy got pregnant on purpose. I can't compete with a baby.
Today has been the hardest day to get through. I wasn't sure I'd be able to do it. I could feel it when they were saying their vows. I wasn't there in purpose but my heart felt my loss as if I'd been there to witness it all. I am glad that I won't have to see them while they're away on their honeymoon. I couldn't have dealt with Steffy walking around with a smile on her face. I'd be tempted to slap it off.
I just wish this war hadn't continued with me. Taylor and Mom started this battle and it still continues even though I never wanted to be a part of it. I don't know why Taylor has to keep making things worse. I hated that she was demanding I leave the other day when I was visiting Rick. He told me to go spend some time by the pool but she demanded I leave so Steffy and Liam wouldn't see me like I was there on purpose. I had no idea they were there. She's the one that stalks not me.
I am so worried about Katie. I stopped by for my date with Will and she wasn't there. Liam was there. For a little while I could forget about everything that has happened and pretend that I was with Liam. Reality of course came crashing down when I found out that Katie was in the hospital. She can't die. I am glad that Liam was there with me. I really needed him.
Mom sent me home even though I wanted to stay. All I do is worry about Katie and think about what might have been with Liam. It feels like we're cursed. I'm not with the man I love and Katie could die. I can't help but think about that. I pray that she doesn't. We need her. Will needs her. I couldn't imagine my life without her. I just wish things would look up for the Logans.
Dear Diary
Katie is going to be fine. I'm so glad about that. She won't be able to go to the wedding. I don't know what I was thinking when I told Liam to marry Steffy. I should have fought for him. We could have made it work but I thought I'd try to do the right thing. But was it the right thing? Even Liam told me that he'd always wonder about what might have been if we'd been able to get married.
A part of me wishes he hadn't told me that but I guess it wouldn't have mattered. I'm not sure if I will ever be able to get over Liam. I should try to focus on work. At least Rick is having better luck than me. He really likes Maya. I just wish he'd talk to Caroline. She deserves to be happy too. I wouldn't wish a triangle on anyone. It sucks because one of the people ends up hurt. I just had the bad luck of being that person.
I just don't know what I'm going to do. I can't stop thinking about what might have been if only we hadn't been manipulated. I shouldn't be doing that but I can't seem to stop. I can't take a pill or wear a patch that will make me stop loving Liam. Trying to stop loving him is like me trying to stop breathing. I just can't help but do it even though I know I have to move on.
Dear Diary
I almost crashed the wedding. Mom stopped me from doing it. I guess she's right but I think it might have been good for me to see it with my own two eyes. Seeing it would just help let things sink in even though it would have shattered my heart into a million pieces to see them say their vows when it should have been me at the altar instead of Steffy. I should be the one having his children. I can't help but think Steffy got pregnant on purpose. I can't compete with a baby.
Today has been the hardest day to get through. I wasn't sure I'd be able to do it. I could feel it when they were saying their vows. I wasn't there in purpose but my heart felt my loss as if I'd been there to witness it all. I am glad that I won't have to see them while they're away on their honeymoon. I couldn't have dealt with Steffy walking around with a smile on her face. I'd be tempted to slap it off.
I just wish this war hadn't continued with me. Taylor and Mom started this battle and it still continues even though I never wanted to be a part of it. I don't know why Taylor has to keep making things worse. I hated that she was demanding I leave the other day when I was visiting Rick. He told me to go spend some time by the pool but she demanded I leave so Steffy and Liam wouldn't see me like I was there on purpose. I had no idea they were there. She's the one that stalks not me.
